Yea, though the gas station had a line, it was of men. And they parted as the sea did for Moses so the cute girl could go ahead of them.


i want people to know i’m struggling but i don’t want people to know i’m struggling do you see my problem

All I want to do is sleep, and all DeNiro wants to do is lay up against me and sniff my butt.

Once again, that came from YOU, not me.

You haven’t lived until burning ashes go flying into your eye while you’re driving. It’s called an ashtray, people! Use it!

Also, ow.

Also also, please stop watering so I can see again.

It’s bad enough that I voluntarily watched Magic Mike. It’s even worse that the sound was on.

I mean, I prefer man boobs and lady ass, and the closest I came to either was seeing Matthew McConaughey with a skintight shirt on.

Obviously, something is wrong with me.

Sometimes your friend’s parent dies and it makes you terrified about losing your own and you suddenly turn into a little kid that just wants to spend all your time with them.

  • The thing I’m enjoying most about The Boyfriend not being here is breakfast.  I always wake up before him, and everything seems to wake him up, so I don’t get to make what I really want very often.
  • I have days where I don’t want to talk to anyone, and days where I want to talk to everyone, and always seem to annoy someone either way.  This is probably why I talk to myself more than I should.
  • I’m opening all the windows and doors in hopes that my neighbors will see me dancing around in my underwear and learn to stop being so nosy.
  • It took me five days to realize that The Boyfriend took the Xbox with him to Ohio, and I’d probably be more ashamed of myself if I didn’t already know that deep down, I’m totally a Playstation girl.  Sorry not sorry.
If you’ve never had pb&j stuffed french toast, you should probably question your life choices. #nosyrupneeded

If you’ve never had pb&j stuffed french toast, you should probably question your life choices. #nosyrupneeded

The best part about having a dog is seeing the shock and fear on their face when they fart.

It’s not even August yet. I should not have had to put on pants and a hoodie when I got out of bed this morning.